I am one of those bleeding heart sensitive artist types. Down to my very core.
Today I wish I wasn't. Today I wish my skin was thicker. I wish I was tougher. Angrier. More confident, less worried. My husband and I joke because I am literally and figuratively thin-skinned. This might be TMI (too bad my blog) but my skin is so white and paper thin that, if you are looking, a virtual purple road map covers my entire body.
I listened to the news too much today. I am overwhelmed. Haiti. The election in Massachusetts. Gay marriage. Why do things affect me so deeply? Why can I not easily shake them off? Why is my skin so thin?
My husband has the thickest skin ever. It takes a lot to really make him upset. He angers easily, but things don't really get into his heart and hurt him like they do to me. I know I allow this. I want to be different. I want to more like Danielle. Tougher, you know?
I know my "sensitivity" makes me a good friend. A compassionate listener. Good to people and the earth and the animals. I have empathy and love so strong that sometimes I think I might actually break apart.
My ex- husband told me (as we were breaking up and sharing last minute best wishes) that I would be a very successful artist because my art comes from the best part of me. (His art, though brilliant, was often dark and deep and tormented.) I am starting to realize how the work I do is so healing for me. It gets me out of my often heavy heart into lightness and hope.
Not that I am a dark cloud that looms around. But I can be that way. I can easily take it all on. I can feel such intense pain about the polar bears, or women in Iraq or the Congo, or deforestation, (pretty much insert anything here) that it is sometimes hard to breathe.
So tonight, after WAY too much news (Hello Lori? This is Lori. In the future, please take a newsfast when hormonal) I am home alone, drinking wine to to take the edge off, painting, and wishing for thicker skin.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
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16 comments:
I am the same, Lori. I was just telling my husband that I need to take a break from Rachel Maddow because everything just seems like "too much" lately. I can go from frustrated, to angry, to super-sad in a matter of seconds.
you just enjoy that wine.
enjoy painting.
enjoy the moment.
surround yourself with the little things that bring you comfort and know that your love, your compassion and your art are affecting and touching many lives in a very positive way...i think that is why your skin is GREAT.
JUST. THE. WAY. IT. IS.
sending many hugs to you!!
xxoo
k
www.heartwingsisters.blogspot.com
there's a lot of heavy duty stuff going on in the world right now...Haiti being the toughest. it sounds like your husband and you balance each other and that must help! you've got a very good heart and that's so important during these times!!
I know exactly how you feel. I no longer have my TV hooked up to hear bad news via cable, but I still get all the International SOS e-mail alerts at work. Every time I get overwhelmed about the state of the world, I try to pause and picture what that same world might be like if NO ONE was sensitive and empathetic toward others. It reminds me to embrace being me, thin skin and all.
Enjoy every minute of that sanctuary, Lori! We all need breaks.
This post is so powerful Lori, on many levels. I do relate to being thin-skinned and sensitive, as I think most artists do. It is something about myself that I have only begun to appreciate and cultivate within the last few years. I realized that my sensitivity is what makes me a good artist at a deep level...and for other people that don't feel things with the depth that we do, well that is their loss. I agree that it would be better sometimes to not have the amount of pain that we can take in, but then the other side of that, with the amount of sensitivity that I have to the glories of life, well, I wouldn't trade that for the world. xoxo
Lori, this is why we love you. Only you could have written what you wrote in this way. I feel like I can hear what you sound like. It's uncanny how clear your voice is this evening. I have so many thoughts about this post that I'm going to have to go have a glass of wine myself just to absorb it all. You are a true feeler of things. I've never known anyone that has described this in such a very palpable way as you have here. I relate to how you are very much. I think from the way you've described it that you are in good company, but also very unique. I think a lot of people feel things very strongly but they process it differently, or something. I think my husband, too, would say that this is what makes you a true artist. I definitely think so.
I'm back for a moment. I wasn't sure if I had said something dumb or preachy. I think the thing is that it's hard to respond to something that was presented with such transparency and soul. I would be better off writing a song to it, or painting something as opposed to trying to write a response in English. Your post was that overwhelming to me. I wish I had words of wisdom. I have to put my fingers in my ears and hum whenever something bad comes on the TV that I know is going to get to me {especially concerning animals or the Holocaust}. I know from experience that once I've heard it, I can't shake it. I still have one movie in particular where I am haunted almost daily by scenes that I saw. It's not fun. But I can also see that being the way you describe is special. It sets you apart and has given you a special voice. I just keep coming back to the thing I said first. . . it's part of what makes you so you.
I hope tomorrow will be better with lots of happy thoughts! I bet it will. : )
Hi Lori! Perhaps it might help to know you are not alone. It can be overwhelming - all the horrible things in this world - and it seems the more you look into it the more scary and affecting it can be. I think it is definitely okay to control how much news you take in...because we were never meant to know it all. Everyone just has to do what they can and take comfort in the joys they do have. We do have to remind ourselves that there is a lot of good in the world too. Problems, yes...but hope also - so don't fret. Of course, wine helps too... :P
Lori, i am the same too...very thin skin and "sensitive" person. I think sometimes maybe it's good to have thick skin.Hope you enjoyed your day with fine wine and art! Have a lovely merry happy day and love to you!
Lori,
I never watch the news before I go to bed, because I would never sleep if i did. You are just a good person and being sensitive is part of your being such a wonderful artist. You may be saddened by injustices in the world, but you spread joy and courage with your artwork.
Hope you're feeling better!
Hugs,
Judy
Oh, Lor. Let this post be your reminder in the future of more than the need to news-fast (I haven't watched the news in over 3 years, NO KIDDING.)
Let it also be your reminder that you are a great [blog] writer, able to put down your inner feelings in a real voice that relates to and resonates with others.
Your skin may be thin but your insides are pretty to look at...
xo
Hugs Hugs Hugs Hugs to you Dearest Lori...everything you just wrote is so me as well...Its hard isn't it but sometimes I think that the world needs more people like us...more feeling and thinking than maybe it wouldn't be so horrible...I don't know...but I will tell you one thing I know for sure, the way you describe your senstive soul is so exact to how I feel, that I feel surprised but also very very lucky to know someone out there has my same tender heart...Hugs, Hugs, Hugs...It sounds like our partners are similar where they possess a toughness we desire...my Jonathan, my partner and protector of my tender over stuffed heart, says I shouldn't try to change because this tenderness is part of the magic that makes me:D....your tenderness is indeed part of your magic...I know the feeling so well of wanting thicker skin but at the same time nurture it because your so so lovely.
wonderfully said ! Definitely
hold steady !
its very necessary to have hearts like yours in the world.
xoS
Lori, there is a book called "The Highly Sensitive Person" that I am reading. Me too! I think this is something very, very common with artistic people, whether they are writers, artists, potters, etc. We tend to "see" more INTO life than others. I believe this is a GOOD thing. Yes, WE experience sleepless nights and are torn because there is only so much that we are able to do for others, but...without people like us in the world...imagine what it would be like. Do take time for yourself and your own comforts! Enjoy them. Savor them and do NOT feel guilty for your blessings.
Wishing you peace,
Diane
Good brief and this post helped me alot in my college assignement. Gratefulness you on your information.
Hi
Very nice and intrestingss story.
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